I have a theory on why we live with others....it's so we'll remain civil, and not gorge on food and alcohol, like i did last night drinking more beer than i needed to, and finishing off a huge dinner, which then exploded exponentially....inside. This morning I had a terrible belly ache, but since Tom's not around to complain to...he left yesterday for OK, right there you see the problem...I only have myself to blame.
So while I'm belly aching, here's a good one: Republicans in Texas purged the rolls of tens of thousands of voters, a majority elderly African Americans and Latinos, saying those very much alive minorities were dead. And even now, knowing the purge was misinformed, the Texas Sec. of State refuses to change the voter rolls. This boils my blood.
Another: I still don't have an oven. But then someone requested my brisket for Rosh Hashanah, so I dug deep inside my pockets, and bought a Lodge Logic, cast iron heaviest damn pot I've ever had. But when I wrote to Janice Patterson in charge of all questions concerning the Logic, in the form of "how long to cook it," she didn't have an answer. She said, "Sorry, I cannot honestly say this will work." What?! Rosh Hashanah is tonight!
It's the Jewish New Year, a time to seek forgiveness for our sins. I'm not a big believer on the concept of "sin" but I do believe in asking forgiveness. So here goes: Daughter, I'm asking. I didn't understand what you were going through when you were home at the beginning of summer. Since then I've felt this gulf between us. It's hurting like nothing else I've ever felt. I bet you probably aren't even thinking about it, you're just living your life, a life that doesn't include your mother, like it should be, for god's sake. But I breached a sacred trust when I didn't ask what you were feeling. So daughter, please forgive me, and know I'll do better next time.
My mother used to spend all day in shul during the New Year. On Yom Kipper she stayed from morning til sundown without eating or drinking. What was she praying for? What was she asking forgiveness for? What "sins" could she possibly have had? I never asked her. I never tried to understand. And now I wish I knew what compelled her to perform those rituals. She was a good woman, without sin, what could her conversation with God have been?
So, on this holiday, ask for forgiveness, ask to understand.
A peaceful New Year to you all.
These are the two women I think about most in this world. I have their photos next to my bed in the same gold frame, placed together, one across from the other.
Lily Nellie Noble
Every night, I look at these photos and wonder: what is it to be of my mother, and in turn, to have gotten my daughter? I look back and forth between the two and ask myself: what is the link?